Bad Breakup
I knew she hadn’t meant to leave me. Now she never can leave me. We will always be together. “I’m sorry for losing my temper, babe. It won’t happen again. It’s just, I didn’t know what to do with you gone. You’re my everything!” Drip, drip, drip. “You don’t feel like talking. I understand.” Now I have to leave the room - to give her some space. She’s pretty upset with me. She has every right to be upset with me after… what I did. I had no other choice! She… I guess you want to know what happened. It’s all pretty tragic. Our relationship has been struggling for the past few months. I said, “I love you,” first. She hesitated in her response. She always hesitates with things. She can’t even decide whether or not she loves me. I know I love her. I’ll always love her. We argued about things like that. We argued about how I am way more dedicated to us than she has been. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to be with me. She’s said that she just doesn’t feel like she’s meant for relationships. I know that’s complete bs. She is perfectly capable of being in a relationship, she was just scared. I know about her daddy-issues. They don’t matter to me. I’ve helped her cope with the neglectful father. That’s just a little background on us. This morning, she told me she didn’t love me. She said she only told me she loved me because I said I loved her, and she didn’t want to make me feel awkward. Okay. I started to feel panicked. I didn’t want to force her into a life she didn’t want to be in. I know she’s meant to be with me, and she just lost her way a little. I wanted to cry and scream. Instead, I just went to lay down. I was crushed. As I turned to go to bed, she told me she didn’t want a relationship either. Her words hung in the air, right next to the relationship we had. I ran to my room and slammed the door. I was seeing red! “I love her,” I kept repeating to myself. I was feeling violent, which was bad. I had to remind myself that I never wanted to hurt her. I heard her walking away. She was walking towards the door. She was leaving me! I didn’t know if I would ever see her again. I panicked. How could I never see her again?! I threw the door open and ran to her. I was so panicked that I couldn’t even run in a straight line. I’m sure she’ll laugh about that eventually. We both will. We’ll look back on this day and laugh together. When I got to her, I tripped. The only thing I managed to reach for was her hair. I grabbed it, and didn’t fall, but she did. The sound of her head hitting the floor echoed through the house for what seemed like an eternity. She didn’t cry. She didn’t scream. Instead, she was asleep. I was sure she’d need ice for her head. She hit the floor pretty hard. I went to the kitchen to get some, and when I got back all I could do was stare at her and sigh. It looked like she’d slammed her head down on a bottle of ketchup or something. That was definitely it. I picked her up, but couldn’t find the bottle. It must’ve been launched somewhere else by the force of the hit. I still have to go find it. I don’t want it to attract bugs. I hate bugs. I carried her upstairs to the bathroom to wash the stuff out of her hair. I had to run the water first, to get it warm enough for her. There aren’t any chairs in the bathroom, and she kept slipping down when I tried to sit her up on the toilet. I scanned the room for something to help me, and that’s when I saw the hooks for towels and robes. There were two, and they weren’t very far apart. I could just hook her up there. I did it. Her shoulders held on to the hooks quite nicely. She slept through all of it. When I got her into the bathtub, I realized the body wash bottle was empty. I had to go get more. When I got back, I couldn’t see her. The water was all red. The stuff had washed out on its own. I didn’t want her to drown, so I had to reach in and find her. When I pulled her back up, I accidentally hit her head a little on the faucet. I apologized a million times for that. She seemed clean enough, so I got her out of the tub and tried to put her back on the hooks. Unfortunately, her skin broke from the last time she was up there. The hooks couldn’t dig into anything to keep her up. I remembered that we had much larger hooks, almost spears, in the garage. I don’t know why those were there, but I knew they’d be useful. I like the garage around noon anyway. Some sunlight manages to break in and make everything look peaceful. I carefully carried her downstairs and into the garage. I didn’t want to hit her head on anything else. I did not expect those hooks in the garage to completely go through her body. More of that ketchup stuff poured out from where the hooks came out the front of her body. I’ll apologize for that when she wakes up. I went back into the house and cleaned everything up. When I got back, I saw her eyelids flutter. She looked pale. She was probably feeling sick about being alone. Her head hung down to the side, so she only saw the ground. I don’t know why she didn’t look at me. She must’ve been putting all of her effort into convincing herself that she didn’t love me. She was mumbling something, so I got closer. She said it. She said my name. I couldn’t believe it. She tried to leave me, and now she was calling my name, trying to summon me to help her - to make her feel warm. I had intended to dry her off and just hold her until she was warm again, but now… How could she call my name like that?! She can’t expect me to always be there for her! I will be there for her now, but that isn’t the point. She tried to LEAVE me. I grabbed whatever was closest and struck her. It happened to be a hammer. I did it again and again until I didn’t feel so angry. I apologized when I calmed down. I know she needs some time alone to be with her thoughts. I’ll go back into the garage in a minute. I don’t want to annoy her. I’m sure she’s realizing how good I am for her. She won’t ever leave me again, especially not after all I’ve done for her. “Bae, how many times do I have to say sorry before you forgive me?” Drip, drip, drip. I think that means she forgives me. Now we can spend the rest of forever together. We’ll grow old, have kids, buy a house in a foreign country… It’s going to be a great life. “I love you.” Category:Mental Illness